layers

i believe this is me going through some sort of a transition. my words are often choked up. it reaches as far as the throat and never reaches the tongue before i start swallowing them whole. i probably need to give this a rest. a temporary hiatus because nothing comes out right anymore. the situation is stifling and you are not making it any easier. i wish i could say i am juggling a few complicated matters. but i'm not. this has no grey matter. i think it doesn't.
i'm thinking about the possiblities of those lies finally reaching to me. how everything adds up. paints me this ugly picture i fear to look at. because then it'll make everything i've been feeling to shame and waste. can this please be left alone?

i wish i could just leave this as how it is without further ruining it. but how can i say no to you?