days are spent indoors with only cats as living breathing company. the bright screen looks at me most of the time if i'm not suffocated under pillows. no doubt i do miss the old cycle of going out with my friends on a daily basis but with what i've been feeling lately, i'm not ready to take that plunge and go through the momentary relapse where i can eliminate judgment and perhaps be happy for that short moment. i want an extended form of wholeness if happiness is a hard mountain to climb to succeed.
so many things has happened making this more difficult to move out of. i want to be able to learn and accept the feelings i have; especially the anger and be completely okay. because right now i am far from okay. the responsibilities are in dire need to be realized if not accomplished. the love-hate relationship i have with my father, the insecurities i have about my future, the constant need to stay under covers and never coming out.
this is like elizabeth wurtzel minus the prozac.
i see no way talking about any of this with anyone I know without breaking down into a million pieces. my vulnerability shows my weakness and that is just something nobody could ever take from me.
i miss it being normal again.
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