ironically this has not cost me my life yet; despite how lifeless i have been. the conversation of staying off the security is not something i want to be proud of accomplishing right now. so maybe i'll hold on a little longer until the bruises start to show. otherwise i am happy & miserable at the same time & its the best fucked up feeling ever. you know why? because i think it is worth it; every pain & cringe i get is nothing compared to the wholeness i feel with the surrounding created.
now i just want what i want from this. not because i deserve it but because i know it feels right.
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