2243 hours

i think i'm having another one of my episodes again. the unknown cause type of episodes. where even i could not come up with a good enough reason. i feel like crying again. i think i am. weeping slowly on the inside. perhaps doing this night journal thing might help. i hate crying. it makes me look like a fucking blowfish. i don't want my mom to see me crying alone at night because i think it might just break her heart. i just don't know what to do anymore. it's happening again. the hollowness of unwantedness. haha... sounds assholic. i wished i had the people i could talk to back again. or perhaps that's why i'm crying. i feel missing. i am now nobody without them and i'm turning into a big huge mess. i'm sorry