following the cookie crumbs

Saturday, December 20, 2008 1:01 PM

sorry for spamming the notes application with my nonsensical everyday ramblings which sounds pretty much like a 10 year old kid with ADD. but my xanga is still taking centuries to load and maybe by then world war 3 could take place and i see no point in writing about purple laced underwear. not that i'll be writing about lingerie right now.
the days are spent doing things or lack off as the latter means having more than needed shut eye that could last for a week on normal school days. i can now sleep with the comfort of knowing i have no more deadlines and studying which have been leading me to multiple anxiety attacks in the middle of the night.
days are spent with company who spoils me rotten with conversations built to cause me seizures from laughing too hard. or sometimes doubting if i really deserved such people in my life.
sometimes the feeling of content scares the shit out of me because i'll have this constant feel that someone might take it all away leaving me feeling the loss of all the wonderfulness. so i keep in mind that all this great things will come to an end someday as things decay and evaporate into thin air and as much as i've learned it includes tangible and intangible things.
all this anxiety has made me savor and breathe it all in as deep as i can and learning to let go when i needed to. excuse the melodramatic tone of this note. the intentions of writing an exceedingly happy note would make me sound less of what i am and more of a dimwit writing about her daily activities with her deluded boyfriend. not that i have a deluded boyfriend. not that i have a boyfriend. period.
slowly i'm beginning to not expect things and accepting failure and rejection a little bit more with an open mind and shrugging it off before anyone could ask me "are you okay?" so the answer is yes i am okay. i am better than okay right now. so let my okay be, okay?

pretty babies, i need to see you soon! <3

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