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i guess writing here gives me that satisfaction that blogs can never really give. i miss writing those late night rants of nonsensical bullshit especially when i am heavily influenced by alcohol. this is bad in a way that i know i should not write all this sinful behavior in the open because i'm actually being really insensitive to all the other readers. i'm sorry if my postings offends you. so far i have yet receive hate mails in the form of judgment and religious propaganda regarding my open and crazy ways. since the last real post (this does not include one liner detours to my other place of refuge for the time being...), loads of things happened which i don't think i would have the energy to rekindle that feeling with myself once again. there have been nights worth forgetting as well as the ones which keeps me up all night either smiling or wailing onto my damp pillow. now that was a bit emotional on my part...
i want to battle the crazy with as little regret as possible because i'm getting tired of these childish behaviors. they make me look juvenile. 2009 will eventually mark my journey into adulthood officially despite arguing with my parents that i am already one by 15. i now know and have learned the mistakes the hard way this past couple of years from the brief stint with drugs, blackouts, being an emotional slut and attracting the wrong crowd of people. i think i found my niche and love what i have more than i did before. the thought of not being able to find a new life here back home is fading. i can start over without actually moving away from the everyday i love so much. now i don't think i would want to leave. i finally have people i can be grounded with and still be able to fly really high. like mim said, we should be surrounded by motivated people in our lives so that we can at least achieve something rather than sitting on our asses the whole day.
a few opportunities popped up recently and i am glad that i really know what i want right now. it hard having to know all your life that you have all these different options but which one to choose from. i am blessed to have able to actually have options to choose from and a few fall-back plans to recover with. i don't want to be a loser! so yes, i'll be doing a few gigs this year just to keep myself afloat and busy while hurrying through the graduation process :)

sorry if this sounds a bit like a Paddle Pop ice cream because its all swirly. if you get what i mean ;)