god made me psychic

i knew it. those conversations in the park were wasted and never had i felt stupider in my life. okay so maybe stupider things have come and gone but this can be said to be the highlight of the dawn of 2009. just another retarded bump i have to roll on top on to get on with the road trip (haha!). i guess the rule of attraction played a vital part here because i just once again jinxed my life away (dammit i should have saved The Secret in my HD!) i knew i should have kept my mouth shut. and so as an act of randomness i had to kill this buzz kill of a retard with $70 beer, 3 rounds of free delicious shots, a round of coke&rum and a glass of wine for our sophistication and class. no i did not drink to drown said sorrow but to rejoice the celebration of how we should ultimately come on top. feel the feminist power rushing in my veins. to above and beyond!
so the night turned out to be better than expected. the amount of new faces we've met suffices for the earlier day's mishaps and anxiety-attacks. we brought bartenders to us, stripping by the pool (me at least...) and having deep conversations on how there are bigger things to come. the company was different yet comfortable; something not everyone can and will do. you park folks are the love.
so maybe i woke up today still feeling a bit like a lost-cause. so i stayed in bed beating myself about it until i could convince myself that i am so much better than started. my mom and aunt's advice was priceless and i love them for it. i honestly cannot wait for this week to end so that i can literally start this year up all over again - Ox-style yo! all the worst just had to happen this past couple of days so that when new year ends, i'm given a clean slate to start on. and am i really thankful for all this contingency plans that are in the works for me. so many fall-backs which is making me feel so safe right now. i cannot wait until this topsecretawesomeproject starts up :)

And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
You're the target that I'm aiming at
And I'm nothing on my own
Got to get that message home

coldplay - A Message