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for the first time i am going to write the title of the post last. i usually manage to conjure up a random train of wordings which has nothing to do with what i plan on writing but they end up syncing right. this time however i have nothing good or random enough. weird. i spent the last 30 minutes or so carefully picking out past entries and slowly hitting the delete button. i am left with only 25 now which i think is still a lot. the point of erasing such mistakes is a gentle reminder how i should have never taken anything so preschool seriously. i proof-read my entries during my adolescent years starting from first boyfriends to recent deaths and i don't want to look back at those times thinking how i could have thought of better things rather than being so naive. yes i was obsessively naive that it scared me to a certain extend. how someone like me back then could feel that way. it was ridiculous. i felt embarrassed. please don't make me travel back in time to meet Nadia 1.0.
once again the main idea of this post is lost within the hype of actually writing something. i guess its a good thing. i haven't been writing anything significant this past couple of days besides cryptic messages which nobody really understands and those meme postings. i feel lame when all i do is want to write but all i could come up with is something probably worth feeding the cows with. anyway, today i managed to get a whiff of fresh air. am i getting closer? i sure hope i am :)

i miss waking up to your smell...