warning sigh

Sunday, December 28, 2008 12:54 PM

here's something by coldplay that's on repeat. it made those tears run dry making my eye all crusty from eye make-up residue in the morning. i love music that can make you feel even more shittier. because you know somewhere out there another person is writing a song about the same shit you are going through. i admit, i'm a masochist as i seek for a "better" pain to cover up the current one. in a way it makes me feel a little bit more human since i rarely show my soft side to anyone. even trying to get a drop of emotional truth is a dire task.

i have thought of reasons for being this way. maybe since my grandparents passed on, i never had a chance to recuperate. i haven't had a good cry about it. and i think the tough front is wearing off. the feeling of abandonment and waking up in a big empty house. breakfast no longer served. tv dinners instead of dining table ones. and having people to cry to when everyone else seems to be against you.

things happened too quickly this past couple of years leaving me with no time to sink in anything. from moving out from the place i felt the safest. questioning the existence of God. having 4 people i cared most about leaving me suddenly. i guess the abandonment is finally making me feel lonely. the fact that even my bestest friend in the whole wide world, the one i would jump in front of a bullet for, the one with the same blood running through our veins is also going. everybody is afraid that i would crumble. bets are taken for my teary farewell.

i don't want to be this mirage i see in the mirror everyday.

i wanted to show you what i've always meant. that i was different. not to prove anything or to change your mind. but to make myself believe that i am capable of free falling into you. i don't care that i crush my skull on your pavement. or that you suck me dry. just that satisfaction that somebody took a fucking chance on me despite the odds. because right at the beginning i knew i could never have deserved someone like you even though you are not as perfect too. but i loved that.



A warning sign,
I missed the good part then I realized,
I started looking and the bubble burst.
I started looking for excuses.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

A warning sign,
You came back to haunt me and I realized,
That you were an island and I passed you by,
You were an island to discover.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

And I'm tired,
I should not have let you go.

So I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms.
And I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms...

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