graphic morbidity

dead whale exploded due to gas inside it's body in Taiwan. they were transporting this megafish when it exploded and it's innards were strewn all over the street along shops and vehicles nearby. National Geographic has a program just for this catastrophe sometime this week, for your information.

i dont know how it started but my fascination with graphic violence became almost a late-night habit of youtube videos and random google word searches (snuff, freak accidents, suicide). the thought of looking at pictures or blurry CCTV videos of freak accidents, murder homicide was somewhat intriguing and gave me an adrenaline rush. maybe i should go on explaining that I for once, by nature is nothing like the violent sort towards humanity. i love animals and had never thrown a fist towards anyone ever before. these thoughts of violence and morbid scenarios merely lingers in my head and my head only. i won't be planning any sinister torture any time soon. maybe i am actually fascinated by death itself as being a sudden stage in one's life. or maybe the way a person dies makes me understand it better. the more twisted form of dying bring me closer into the peeking glass. in real life, i would be freaked out by blood. even road accidents that happened in front of me scares me to oblivion despite ALWAYS taking a peek at the mess on the road. the blood, the bodies and the shards of glass and metal laying there makes me feel like dying is indeed a real unpredictable thing. i'll always remember the worst accidents i've seen in front of me; the twisted carcass and the trail of blood leading to one's death. thinking about it sends shivers even until now. despite this sick and twisted thought i just shared, i am never capable of looking at animals' carcass in the middle of the road. it sends me to a paranoid frenzy because it'll remind me of my pets. a couple of days back, the nation were shocked with the recent double-decker bus crash which claimed 10 lives. all the papers had the scene on their front page and really i was squinting and analyzing every detail of the picture for something gross. its a habit really for me to locate the pool of blood in crime scene and accident photos.
so there you have it... a peak inside my already messed up head.