1532 hours

i know it's not the night yet. i'm maybe cheating since i did specify that this blog was just for my bedtime blues. but i guess this considers as a Tired-Tired-Tired-Can't-Sleep moment. Yes, i'm tired. I have always been tired. Having restless nights which I toss and turn till my body aches every morning for sleeping in awkward positions. Sigh. I must be really pathetic and drowsy right now for me write this. Which is true since I got nothing better to do that be desperate housewive. haha... minus the screaming kid, a long-gone husband and the lustful plumber cum mysterious dude... hahaha.. I cannot sleep now. My state of depression have finally kicked in as the realization of my non existant fresh out of school feeling came upon me. Here I am, jobless, friendless, lonely and still I'm tired. My phone is acting silent again. Excluding the calls of wrong numbers and promotional text messages. I'm a pathetic failure of technology. When people do call me i'm either a zombie out of bed or just super busy with chores and such. The work I don't mind but the constanty of it that I hate. Will this be a permanent thing for me? Staying at home before having any fun at all. All this torture of being at home by myself with nobody to talk to but a lazy mother cat and 3 annoying kittens in the kitchen. I feel unhealthy. I admit I haven't been eating well. Junk trash for lunch, leftovers for dinner. Forget breakfast. I need a break form the laptop which seems to be my only true best friend who is always there at ANYTIME of the day. I have friends. Great ones but lucky for them they got college. I guess it was a bad idea to start in March. If i would have started in January non of this empty tears would have started. I'm in an awkward position where I gotta choose between college and home. And right now college doesn't sound too bad. I just want people to understand that I cannot do this any longer. I just can't and I'm sorry. Being grounded for other people's mistakes is just so unfair! I can't always cry.