2201 Hours

i guess this is what a serious case of nervy b. feels like. exactly 12 hours left and i'm wondering will i get through this without any complications. i admit i rarely talk to god. a serious sin i know. but in ths case i feel bad for asking any favours since i don't practice what i should have been lately. my fear is that it's god's time for pay back and He might take it out on me this perticular time. people always say that we humans usually only start believing in god at the time of need. well it's true and now there's nothing i could do about it. i can't pray. i can't even recite the holy quran. i'm still considered unholy (since when was i holy?). is this a way of telling me that there's nothing i could do and that i should just leave it to god's will?? i don't even know what to think anymore but to just get through this as quickly as possible without me having to swollow gigantic pills and feeling much pain. that's all i'm asking for. just minimal pain and probably no pill intake?? impossible but i fear those huge pills that would linger on my tongue as long as the layer of gelatin permits. i hate pills. a phobia i bet. this is getting scarier by the second. i should be sleeping now but who the hell can at a time like this?????????
for now i should just wait. see what happens tmw. sigh. =(

*my fingers are still crossing!*