because

its harder than i thought. fighting the insecurities and uncertainties that is coming.
because i hate feeling this EVERY SINGLE NIGHT before i sleep.
waking up to rat-eyes is not pretty. it is pathetic.
snapshots of the future runs in my head all the time when i am not doing anything.
i just don't want those pictures to ever develop in real life.
for once i want to be proven wrong. so wrong that i can sincerely know that i will be okay.
because nobody knows what is running in my head right now.
i drop subtle hints and then laugh it off. eliminating the pathetic evidence.
because i can't think of myself right now even though i feel fucking selfish feeling this way.

because being me right now totally sucks.