don't judge me

i'm sorry if my choices offends you in any way. honestly at times i rather pick others over what i should be choosing and maybe that might have caused the slight rift i am getting at this end of the line. the new company has allowed me to make these options entirely my own without thinking of the cost. i may sound a tad bit selfish but aren't we all built that way? i no longer have to hide behind obligations i should not be making for my sake especially when i treat this as a chore. you out of all people should understand where i am coming from. maybe its because we no longer have anything in common anymore. the conversations and secrets just don't have that vest we spoke of so often. we hide behind our new lives and slowly we are no longer included in each others. this i don't mind because i've already made the decision to steer away before anything else fails us. it was unfair of me to judge you to begin with especially when i strongly preach on personal opinions. i made myself into a hypocrite just so i could justify what i was feeling towards you lot. as mentioned over and over again, i don't hate you for the sake of hating you. but the slight pressence of negativity is slowly clouding this charade we are putting up with. i don't like talking about you behind your back because those are low points of my life. i just don't want to live in this lie just so we can smile and be happy in each other's pressence and start making faces after. we are now more braver to say no and decline not-so-sincere invitations because the grass seems greener on the other side and the outcome are usually more fruitile that what your side has got to offer. maybe i am the only one who is admitting this because i've sensed this from the very beginning when you still had your eyes closed and shrouded in heavy denial. every conversation we've been having have been censored out and forced because i feel bad for not filling you in. so yes i do prefer this new-found company to be more liberating and understanding and i'm sorry if this might hurt you because its almost very true. i think we've known everything about each other a little too long for you to sense my evolution and changes which you thought you would not get to see coming and that you may not like this me anymore. that i completely understand. we've gone through this long enough that i am starting to complain and its tiring. maybe its because you just don't get me anymore. i hope you are happy where you are right now and that you could have seen this coming too. because i am content and never been sure of this in my entire life.

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